The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.

The New York Times distorts and defrauds the news and then claims to be impartial. They never give an even-handed version of the news - that's the last thing they'd ever do.

A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.

Predictions are preposterous.

I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!

I've found that my humor goes over big in London.

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.