I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

I have no idea what's going to happen with America in the future.

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

Jews are told that they should spend their lives helping others and when they make a lot of money it really bothers them. So, as a way to decrease their guilt, they try to help the underdog. They think, "Why should I be rich when so many suffer?" They feel better once they run to the party that claims to defend the underdog, the Democrats.

Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got!

While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.

People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.