Predictions are preposterous.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.