My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!

Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.