I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.

Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

Predictions are preposterous.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.