Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?

It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.

Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

As a class, Jews give three times as much money to charity as anybody else, but they feel guilty about their wealth anyway. They simply can't accept the idea of ever being Republicans.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.