Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.

Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.

The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.