Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?

The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.

The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's "F" this and "F" that. They give you a whole series of swear words and it's really just a way for them to get themselves out of trouble when they can't come up with anything. They're irrelevant and ridiculous.

You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.

Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.