Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.

I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.

A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.