Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.