I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

I've found that my humor goes over big in London.

There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.