On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.

There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.