The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.

The New York Times distorts and defrauds the news and then claims to be impartial. They never give an even-handed version of the news - that's the last thing they'd ever do.

All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.

My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.