Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got!

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.

Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.