Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!

I've found that my humor goes over big in London.

I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.

It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.