I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.

While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.

Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got!

Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.