I'm absolutely gonna win it, because I'm ruthless. I sit at the poker table and my job is to destroy people.

Look, just go sit at the card table with the rest of the kids and let the adults run the country.

I'm famous for being nicer to my fans than anyone on the face of the earth because I figure, a) They pay my salary, and b) It's probably like a big moment in your life to meet somebody; so I would say, 'Just come on up.'

My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez.

...simple logic tells you that if somebody wants you dead you have one course of action: To get them deader sooner.

So you can say whatever you want and quote me however you want about politics and make the next payday, and that's fine because I'm making that deal with you, but just mention the movie along the way, OK?

Whatever it took to get elected president of the United States, I don't think being a complete and utter moron is one of those predicates.