President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off.

What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence.

Happiness is a privilege.

AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."

That must be strange, cheating on your wife with a flight attendant. They're in bed and she's says, 'In the event that wife should come home early please notice the location of the nearest emergency exit.'

Geraldo has returned to the states. See? I told you airline security was a joke.

Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden.