After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.

His puppyhood was a period of foolish rebellion. He was always worsted, but he fought back because it was his nature to fight back. And he was unconquerable.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.