After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.