His puppyhood was a period of foolish rebellion. He was always worsted, but he fought back because it was his nature to fight back. And he was unconquerable.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?