His puppyhood was a period of foolish rebellion. He was always worsted, but he fought back because it was his nature to fight back. And he was unconquerable.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.