I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.