I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.