My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes