My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

His puppyhood was a period of foolish rebellion. He was always worsted, but he fought back because it was his nature to fight back. And he was unconquerable.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.