My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes