I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.