Whenever I don't feel so well, I always try remind myself of the Siamese twin whose brother is gay, whose boyfriend is coming over...and they share the same asshole.

This is NOT a pretty good business. You cannot be pretty good and be a national headliner. That becomes the allure.

When I watch like The Office I'm fascinated because most of America works in an environment where they see the same eight people every day.

All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to be. I went to work feeling nauseous.

Yogi Berra put it best, "If people don't want to come, we can't stop them."

I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.

If anyone thinks my show was 'pretty good,' then I've completely failed.