You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

[George Carlin] was obsessive about time; he was obsessive compulsive about his material and making things shorter and more perfect. He did an HBO hour every other year. It's live; you have to be off-stage at 55 minutes. It's a network; you've got to be off. And it's perfect.

If it's going to really make them happy for me to do it, I'll do Walken. I've got no problem with it at all.

Marc Maron's podcast success has nothing to do with my podcast success. If I do a quarter of a million downloads, I can show that to an advertiser as a fact, and that's that.

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking.