George Carlin put it best. He said, "My old act was so easy to do because there was so little of me in it."

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

I've been doing stand-up 29 years; there is no other career when you're finding your stride 30 years into it.

Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.

When I'm home I'm in much more of a routine like I said, which I like. On the road everything gets flip-flopped.

All I can do when I'm on stage is do a show where when I come back into town they cannot possibly afford to miss the show because they remember how fun it was.

There's not a rocket scientist, not a doctor, not an accountant that 30 years in goes, "Oh, now I'm getting it. Now I can't wait to get back out there because I'm better than ever."