Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

The jokes were perfect! Then George Carlin started talking about the seven dirty words you can't say on television, then it evolved into social commentary.

All I can do when I'm on stage is do a show where when I come back into town they cannot possibly afford to miss the show because they remember how fun it was.

When I watch like The Office I'm fascinated because most of America works in an environment where they see the same eight people every day.

I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.