The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

I will read anything rather than work.

... it's impossible to register any emotion without using some muscle which, in time, will produce a wrinkle. ... By the time she is thirty, a starlet has been carefully taught to smile like a dead halibut. The eyes widen, the mouth drops open, but the eye muscles are never involved.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.