The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

Real men don't do pickup lines just to sweep off every girls' feet. They do and trust their own instincts knowing what the girls' wants and needs. Vying to win their hearts.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

I know what I wish Ralph Nader would investigate next. Marriage. It's not safe, it's not safe at all.