My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear "Freebird" live.

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.