My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.