You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.

Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.