You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.