You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.