You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

There's no down time any more.

You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right

You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.