You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.