You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear "Freebird" live.

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.