You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.