If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.