You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'