If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.