Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.