Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.