Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'