Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.