We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.