We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.