We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.