We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear "Freebird" live.

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.