You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.