You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!