You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.

You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.