You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"

You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.