If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!