I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!