I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.