People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.