People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'