Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.