Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.

I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

If someone at Fleet Farm offers you assistance and they don't work there you might live in Wisconsin.