Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.