Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.