Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.