Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.