First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.

I've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley.

The best person I know is Myself.

But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.