I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley.

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.

I only work on my books at nights and at weekends. It is really just like a hobby.

Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.

I think humor is key [to a successful middle-grade novel]. Kids like to read for entertainment, and the best way to entertain kids is to make them laugh.

Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist? Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!

Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.