Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.

My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

Sometimes during my set I invite volunteers up on stage to get speed-roasted and I'm worried that I may have hundreds of people rushing the stage all at once. Luckily I'm a black belt in karate and I can fend them off.

In Boston where community policing is so important, they don't necessarily have to like each other, but they know each other. The cops in Boston make it their business to get out of their vehicles, to engage the public, to walk around the neighborhoods. They live in the community that they police. And I think these things help.

I want the roast to be like a party where everybody goes and has a good time.

I think Jersey stands alone, and because I'm from Jersey, I never make fun of where people are from. I'll make fun of what they look like, but I'll never make fun of where they are from. Jersey is special.