Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her age and face.

The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

I think Jersey stands alone, and because I'm from Jersey, I never make fun of where people are from. I'll make fun of what they look like, but I'll never make fun of where they are from. Jersey is special.

My own personal rule is to tell jokes that I think the person I'm making them about can laugh at, to go home and tell their family, oh, my gosh.

I usually have sex to my stand-up comedy album. Power move.