I had a life experience that most of my - that none of my friends had. I remember I became everybody's rabbi. Everybody who needed advice would talk to me, and it became an obvious thing.

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

Before you can be all deprecating it's helpful to be self-deprecating.

Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.

I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.

I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.